As the mother of a nine year old with ADHD and a 3 year old with Autism I now realize that I have no idea what it's like to have a "typical" child. While I sit here and watch Lyla grow and reach her milestones, I have no idea if she's "normal".
Amy seemed fine to me, she was a happy baby and reached all of her milestones either early or as the "typical" development chart dictated. She was busy yes but aren't all babies busy getting into everything? There were times when I'd call mom and beg her to tell me when this stage would be over and to name the date so I'd be better prepared. Isn't that "normal" though? At what age did it change from "normal" or "typical" to ADHD? I remember going to her Dr. when she was in Kindergarten and asking for her to be seen by a Pediatrician and that I thought she may have ADHD. The Dr. just shook her head and said "oh it's just busy girl syndrome". I waited for the her Grade 1 teacher to tell me that she should see the doctor but the teacher never did. She'd just complain about her behaviour in class and say that she was a very bright girl and very smart she just had a hard time focusing and would often wander both physically, down the halls, or mentally as her gaze turned blank. After many talks with the teacher and Principal it was finally me who suggested that she may have ADHD and asked the teacher and principal what they thought. They immediately said yes, that's a good idea and eagerly filled out the forms I was finally able to obtain from my Dr. to get her assessed. All I could think was, well if you thought this half a year ago why didn't you tell me then because the Dr. wouldn't listen to just my opinion. A whole year was wasted and now she's behind in school.
When I had Ian he seemed fine. He was a wonderful, happy baby too and again went on to meet all of his "typical" milestones. He was smiling and laughing and just a joy to watch. It had been 5 years since I had a baby when I had him so I was a little out of practice plus I really thought Amy was so far ahead at her age that if he were lacking in some areas it was just because he was a boy and boys take longer sometimes. When the Public Health Nurse asked me during one of his vaccinations and assessments if I wanted him to see a speech therapist I said "No, my brother didn't talk until he was two so I'm not worried". It was only when we noticed that he stopped responding to his name and any type of noise that we started to wonder if something was wrong. We thought he was deaf and had his hearing checked out. When his hearing test came back as being normal and they suggested getting his speech assessed, then I started to wonder and do some investigating, but it was only after I had become pregnant with Lyla that I started to suspect Autism.
Now I have Lyla and she's beautiful. I don't regret having her but I worry about her and wonder will she be "normal" or "typical". Would I even be able to recognize what it is if I saw it? Watching her now I realize what I missed with Ian, she is much more advanced at 17 months than Ian was. I see her reaching up for me to pick her up, Ian didn't do that. I see her bring me a toy to show me and passing it back and forth, Ian didn't do that. I hear her mimicking almost every sound she hears, again Ian didn't do that. But now with her growing personality, she reminds me of Amy at this age and that scares me.
Right now I'm starting to wonder if Amy has Aspergers Syndrome and am hoping to get her assessed this summer. Luckily, Lyla is enrolled into a study of younger siblings of Autistic children so her development is being monitored very closely and will be until she's 5 years old or older. So at least if something shows up, we can react to it much quicker. The Dr. that's head of the study in this region told me that she's very interested in studying girls because they often get missed from a diagnosis of Autism because they can be very high functioning. After I explained to the Dr., during Lyla's last assessment, of how Amy behaves, she was interested in seeing her as well. Even though I'm grateful for this opportunity, it's disheartening to think that this Dr. thinks there might be something more going on then ADHD.
It breaks my heart to hear on the news that they've finally confirmed that Autism is genetic. It just makes me worry so much for Lyla because she is my last baby and I want so much for her to be "normal". It also makes me wonder if I had known about Ian's condition before I got pregnant, if I would've even thought of having another child. But now I can't imagine my life without my Lyla and I'll accept her the way she is or whatever way she grows up to be, just like I've had to with my other children. It's not easy being the mother of these children but again, is it easy to be the mother of "typical" children? Obviously, I don't have a clue!
LesleyM
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