Ian then and now

June 6, 2012

In red I will give you an update of what Ian used to do back in 2008 and what he does or doesn't do presently.

October 8, 2008
- When playing with cars he lies on the floor and watches the wheels. Yesterday he turned the car over and started to spin on of the wheels.
Ian doesn't do this anymore.
- Hardly knows any words - Mama, Dada, Kitty, Go, Nana.
Ian knows a long list of words now and can speak 5-7 word sentences.  He's still very quiet and sometimes needs coaxing.
- Doesn't tell me what he wants, doesn't point to things
He's still not a big pointer but he will tell us what he wants.
- Makes strange noises which he'll repeat all day.
Doesn't do this anymore, talks more instead.  Plus he likes to sing songs like ABC's and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
- Hardly plays with toys, would rather get into the fridge, stove or cupboard.
Ian loves playing with his Ipad, Wii games, still plays with trains and no longer gets into the stove, will get into the fridge and cupboard but only to take out his snacks or drinks.
- Loves climbing things especially stairs.
He's still a climber, not as bad as before but we have to watch him around the house.
- Very picky eater, texture of foods can turn him off will only drink milk or Apple Juice.
Still a very picky eater, he'll eat toast with jam, waffles with syrup, rice krispie squares, and sometimes Kraft dinner.  He does eat more at daycare. 
- Loves fans, elevators and anything with buttons to push
He doesn't stare at the fans anymore, still will push buttons if they're around but what kid doesn't?
- Keeps shutting the doors down hallway. (Makes sure they're always shut)
Doesn't care about the doors anymore, but will shut himself into his quiet room with his Ipad if we're making too much noise.
- Doesn't respond to name very often. Could be standing right in front of him telling him something and he completely ignores me.
Ian doesn't ignore his name anymore although he won't say "what", but it does get his attention.  He's always listening even when we think he's not.
- When excited he rolls his hands and pats his ears.
He doesn't do this anymore, but will flap his hands if aggrivated.
November 16, 2008
- Doesn't like to be restrained or held but likes to be touched. Likes you to rub his head, tickle him or just rub his legs or feet.
What kid likes to be restrained?  We only do it if we need to get medicine in him or needs something for the doctor.  He gives kisses and hugs but only when asked.
- Watches fans, turns lights on and off, open and closes cupboard doors repetitively.
Again, not obsessed.
- Looks out the corners of his eyes and shakes his head back and forth.
Doesn't do this anymore.
- Will put things on the floor, sippy cub or soothers and do circles around them.
Nope!

It's a New Day!

I was just reading my last couple of posts and it brings me back to the darkness I felt back then.  Last summer I walked into the pharmacy and just started crying waiting for my prescriptions to be ready.  I was so overwhelmed with my own illnesses and Ian was being particularly hard to manage that I just couldn't handle another thing at that moment.  The pharmacy is in the bottom of the Medical Center where my Dr.'s office was so I went up the elevator and asked to see him, clearly they could see I was troubled.  I was lucky to get in quickly because I just could not stop crying.  I'm not a person who cries easily, I hold it in as hard as I can, I like to look stronger on the outside then I am on the inside because I don't want others so see how truly vulnerable I am.  I go through life thinking I can handle things on my own and being proud of how I can handle my life when clearly I wasn't.  My doctor gave me a prescription for antidepressants and pointed out how Ian's behaviours clearly stood out from what I was telling him.

Since then another blow has been added to my overly burdened plate.  In January we found out that Lyla our youngest at 3 years old, has also been diagnosed with Autism.  It was very hard for me to accept at first.  She was slow with her speech but at that time it was picking up and she was showing ups how smart she was, but I do see a lot of Amy in her at this age so I know deep down that it's there. 

Even though this might be a burden, I feel so much love for my children.  They are my kids, they are beautiful and I'm so grateful to have them no matter what faults they have.  We are so lucky to not have children that are struggling to just live, they are indeed healthy.  They are so smart it's unbelievable to me sometimes at the things they know and the things they can do.  My children are not a burden, the burden is that society doesn't know how to treat them and we have to figure out how to raise our kids to meet with society's way of living.  We're also very lucky to have developed a good surrounding of support for our family.  I know how fortunate we are to have a wonderful tutor in Ian's life who cares for him as if he was his own.  I know how rare it is to have such a connection with the people who are caring for your kids but I do and it's working for both of us.  I only pray now that as Ian goes into Kindergarten he'll get another great tutor that'll care for him as a person.  I also am really praying that Lyla will get her IBI therapy through Ian's tutor so that she can remain active in our kids lives.  She'll always be an angel to us.....love you Ginger!

I'm better now, I know I can't change my children's diagnosis but I can love them and be their mother.  I'll fight for them and do as much as I physically can for them and hope and pray that they turn out alright.  Deep down I know they'll be alright.