After a couple of months of silence, I finally feel like writing again. I don't really know what happened, just got out of the habit, I became really busy and overwhelmed there for awhile when Amy returned back to school and we had to adjust to a new schedule.
I've been depressed as well, overwhelmed by the thought of knowing that I have two children with an ASD (Austim Spectrum Disorder) and wondering how I'm going to help them grow into productive, self aware adults. I took Amy's diagnosis harder than I took Ian's. With Ian he was younger when we noticed things weren't quite right with him, and then when we knew what we were looking for, we jumped on it right away and tried to do things to help him while waiting for a diagnosis. With Amy, I've been struggling for years with her, not knowing what was wrong and what to do about it.
My anxiety and depression got so overwhelming that I've had to go on antidepressants. My stomach was tied in knots all the time, I couldn't stop thinking over and over about my kids. I even thought of what the point of living was when my life is a whole pile of crap. So finally, I had to admit to myself that my thinking wasn't healthy and went to the Dr. who prescribed medication for me. I've been doing alright, having my ups and downs, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore so something must be working.
I think the biggest thing that started changing my thinking was seeing on Facebook that a girl I used to go to Diabetic Camp with as a teen has a son who is Ian's age and he's just been diagnosed with Leukemia. When I read that I immediately thought how lucky I was that all of my children are healthy and home with me everyday. She and her little boy are a long way from home, stuck in a hospital getting treatments and tests almost daily. Even though my life is difficult with my children, it's not as heartbreaking as watching your child sick in a hospital bed and not being able to do anything to make it better.
So, I know I have a long road ahead of me with these kids but I'm determined to do everything I can for them and just live one day at a time instead of worrying about an uncertain future. I'm so lucky to have them!
Wow, Lesley.
ReplyDeleteIt's so funny, I've been reading your blogs since the day you started them and always thanked my lucky stars that my child was happy, healthy and advancing in the right directions. I even commented on one blog how strong of a woman you are and even with my son, Conner 4 years of age with Cancer, you are one of my inspirations.
Having diabetes is a challenged in itself but now we both need to be even stronger then a "normal" woman. We both will do whatever it takes for our child(ren) to be safe, happy, and healthy as possible. Being a long ways from home for countless months is just the beginning of things. But in the long run, we both strive to meet one goal...have happy, healthy children.
Live one day at a time. God gave us one challenged and we learned to live with it, bring on the next as we can over come anything.
I wish you all the best in everything that you do. You have 3 beautiful, bright children, the greatest gift of all!
Ann Marie House