The stigma of having a 3rd child

In today's society, there seems to be a stigma attached to anyone who has more than 2 children.  Sure two kids are totally acceptable but when they start increasing from that number, society lets you know that it is not acceptable anymore.


I was asked after I had Ian if I wanted my tubes tied, since I had him by c-section.  I just didn't feel like I should have it done even though my whole family wanted me to........mostly because of worrying over my diabetes and the complications pregnancy puts on my body.  When Ian was about a year old I reluctantly decided that I should get my tubes tied, that I shouldn't risk having another child and called for an appointment with my OB/GYN.  The surgery was booked!  About a month before my surgery I got a package from the hospital with my instructions, dates, times, and papers to fill out.  I asked Curtis if we should really go through with it and he said that he wouldn't mind having another.  I already didn't feel comfortable with the idea anymore either so I cancelled the surgery and stopped birth control.  I was pregnant the next month!  That pregnancy didn't stick though, it was different from the very beginning and I lost it at only 6 weeks.  I wasn't sad about it at all, I just knew it wasn't normal.  The dr. at the hospital said I could try again after I had one normal cycle.  Two months later, I was pregnant again.......Birth control really does work!


When I announced I was having a third child, of course all my family could do was worry.  Their reactions didn't surprise me, although it was fun putting it in dad's Father's Day card, he was finally the first to know something before the rest of the family!  The reactions of total strangers is what surprised me.  When I was a few months along and showing, Amy was in swimming lessons at the pool.  I told an aquiantance there of my pregnancy, because it was getting obvious and her mouth just dropped and no words came.  I could see the questions forming behind her eyes.  Was it an accident?  Why are you having a third?  Are you nuts?  Then it was the reactions from hospital workers that took me by surprise.  I was pretty much a regular at the hospital after 32 weeks along because I had to have weekly ultrasounds to check on the baby's health and growth.  Some of the techs were more chatty than others, asking how many pregnancies I had, how many children are home, more times than one when I'd say two more are home they'd ask, are they girls or boys?  I would tell them that I have one of each, then I could see them restraining themselves from asking the obvious, so why would you have a third if you already have one of each?  I really didn't want to explain that my eldest is from a previous marriage or that I just felt the desire to have another baby.


Now that I have my family of 5, I still get comments of having three children.  Everyone and I mean EVERYONE that I tell I have three children to, breathes a big sigh and says to me "my you're busy".  I just laugh to myself and think, you don't even know the health issues!


Even though I'm now officially part of the "crazy enough to have 3 kids" club, I feel truly blessed.  I could never imagine my life without my beautiful Lylal!  My family is now complete, I love all of my kids and I no longer feel the yearning to have anymore children, which I could never fulfill anyway because I had my tubes tied when Lyla was born.  There was no doubt in my mind at that point!


Lesley